Endurance Riding

I am starting to learn that life is all about growth. It’s not about getting older; that is not something I fear. I spent so many years of my early adulthood in pain that I am happy to leave those days behind. There are days I wake up and I have to pinch myself because I can’t believe I have horses in my backyard. I can’t believe that I found someone to share my life with. And I can’t believe I am a mom, an identity I cherish. It sometimes seems that I don’t remember life before I had children.

That isn’t to say that there aren’t days I still question my existence and the reason I am here. We all have a purpose, that I believe, but sometimes finding that purpose isn’t so easy. And things from the past can certainly continue to haunt you. Yet, humans persevere – it’s something called resilience.

The last week was spent without my horses. While I went down to feed and muck and occasionally turn them out, I was disconnected from what keeps me grounded. I had a lot going on and most of it was all in my head. Without explaining exactly what was bothering me, I will just say that I was torturing myself with worry. I lost sleep, I couldn’t eat, and the loss of control I felt was devastating. I had a friend tell me: “This too shall pass.” And my mother gave me a piece of valuable advice: SURRENDER – something I have struggled with for my entire life. I can’t do it. With time, and growth, I hope I learn to let go.

I have decided to dedicate this journey with Asali to SURRENDERING. I have no idea what’s in store for us, or what it is I might learn, but this goal of the Tevis Cup is not simply about a 100-mile ride, is it? So many unforeseen things are going to come up for us and I know I will be challenged. I am already faced with the fear of failing… but then I’ve heard it said that the only failure is the failure to try.

Yesterday I spent some time in the snow, shooting photos of the horses. I’m ready to ride again.

Asali

Forest

Beauty

The beautiful view while making snow angels in the arena after the storm.

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