Nov 08 2023
It’s Been 5 Years.
"Subscribe to Endurance Riding!"
I was not planning on driving through Paradise today or visiting the place we last lived 5 years ago. I awoke feeling pretty ambivalent about this anniversary.
But the kids had a well visit that had been scheduled months ago with their pediatrician in lower Paradise. So, we made the drive up Skyway.
Afterwards, I felt a pull to take the kids to our property. I thought a little picnic might be fun. I wasn’t feeling sad. Or angry. Or much of anything at all. It was a beautiful day and I didn’t have much of a schedule to stick to, so I told the kids we’d stop at Starbucks for some snacks to take up to Magalia with us.
As I pulled out onto Skyway from the Adventist Health building, I saw them… the flags… lining the road, one after another, each one representing a life lost to the Camp Fire.
I was immediately overcome with grief and memories of that day, five years ago. I barely held it together in the Starbucks drive-through, and by the time I turned into our old driveway, the kids knew I was upset.
Asher asked me why I was crying and I told him I was sad, remembering the home we lost 5 years ago. He knew this was the place he was born, inside the same room he was conceived in, but thankfully, he has no memories of the day we evacuated from this home, never to see it again.
The kids played in our old yard, explored the new growth, enjoyed the view, and found fun places to stop and rest. Soon after we arrived, I no longer felt sad. My tears left me almost as quickly as they had found me. Gratitude remained and I snapped a few impromptu photos of my growing babies.
Before we left, I took a moment to enjoy the gorgeous view of the canyon, which five years ago had been the fuel for the inferno. I gazed around our property, studying the spots where buildings and life had once been. I could picture it just as it had been and I appreciated that memory. I did not walk over to the place where our barn once stood, though. For me, the pain of losing Dippi was, and always will be, the most difficult part of the Camp Fire.
